hello world.exe
i think what is interesting in all of this, of trying so hard and to still be hit by the waves of spirals that turn me insideout and make me the worst version of myself - i am trying so hard to piece together a version of myself that is good and true and i feel that all we have, all i do, i want to scream forever, never ever stopping because punish the behaviour you want to see, punish the change, punish the new, because it never lived up to the expectation, just like i never possibly could. if your father's head has a blood vessel inside of it that explodes one night at 2am and he comes back different and the same all at once and you realise that there is nobody who will ever save you, and furthermore, he will never be nice to you, never be proud of you, never see you for who you are, you are two people who cannot see through an opaque wall between you - you are so close and at the same time so far apart that it is like you could have never met and would never know. and he calls ...